The Undying Mecha Emperor - 273 I am not dumb
“Abit inefficient and slow, but more satisfying, and much safer. I guess until we find our real enemy, we need to lay low and avoid exposing our real capabilities. We would be better served if we depend on sabotage and use their own swords to kill them.” Vice Principal Jeanette Wen remarked.
“I need to first identify their leaders to do that. Help me look fo-“
“There. Go crazy.”
I had not even managed to finish my sentence before my big bro lit up their leaders with an invisible marker that bathed them in glaring red lights visible only to his allies.
It was the perfect technology for the perfect situation.
“Perfect. Here we go! Get your popcorns ready!” I declared happily and sent red energy spears shooting at the ten presumably field commanders of ten massive hundred thousand strong armies.
They were all advancing in ten distinct columns, and their respective commanders were in flying in front of each column.
In a blink of an eye, I gained control of those ten peak blue mecha grade biomechs, and it took me a mere three seconds to understand the dynamics of the army and another half a second to figure out what I needed to do.
“SAVAGE BLUE FINS! THEY WERE THE ONES WHO KILLED BIG BUTT MOMMA!!” I made one of the field commanders shout out very very suddenly to rip out a bandaid that was plastered over a centuries old blood feud between two major tribes.
“What? So it was them all along? THE CEASE FIRE ALLIANCE IS A FARCE! THEY ARE BACKSTABBING US!! AMBUSH! AMBUSH!! BIG BUTT TRIBE, COUNTER ATTACK NOW!!” Screamed the field commander’s very talkative and highly paranoid second in command.
“Uhh. Okay that works really well.” I couldn’t help but mutter as the second in command continued to scream and galvanize the central hundred thousand strong army to turn to their right and charge straight into their neighboring army!
“ATTACK!! ATTACK!! THE BIG BUTTS ARE BREAKING THE ALLIANCE AND SNEAK ATTACKING US! BLUE FINS! KILL THOSE BIG BUTTS!!”
“Horaaaahhh!!!!! Attackk!!! Attackk!!!”
“Blue fin bastards! You killed our Big Butt Momma who had the biggest butt in the history of our tribe! She would have given birth to a Mega Butt Warrior if she was allowed to live longer! You killed our future! Die!! Diee!!”
“Big Butt Bastards! We didn’t kill your Dumbass Big Butt Momma! Who the hell can stand such an obscenely big butt? We would not even want to think about her, much less plan an attack on her! But since you’re so intent on dying, then die here!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at their very long battlecries that explained in detail their thoughts in explicit terms.
Who the hell fights that way?
But that’s how they roll, and we were content to merely sit back and laugh and enjoy the show.
Plus I wasn’t done as well.
“AH! NOW I REMEMBER! THE BIG BUTT MOMMA IS THE ONE WHO STOLE OUR CHUBBY CHEST PAPA’S VIRGINITY!! THAT SLUT! CHUBBY CHEST TRIBE! ATTACK THE BIG BUTTS!!” Screamed one leader hysterically.
“WHAT? Why would our Beautiful Big Butt Momma want to steal your fugly Chubby Chest Papa’s virginity? Pui! Pui pui pui!” Came the instant response from the Big Butt Tribe members and Big Butt Momma diehard fans.
“Our Chubby Chest Papa would never want your Blubbery Big Butt Momma! But she seduced him, that slut! I saw her winking and shaking her butt at him at our last mass mating gathering!” I made the field commander scream once more.
“WHAT? SHE SHOOK HER BUTT AT OUR CHUBBY CHEST PAPA? CHUBBY CHEST TRIBE!! NO MERCY!! ATTACKK!!” Came the outraged roar of shock from the vice commander of the Chubby Chest Tribe!
“SHE DID NOT!! SHE DID NOT!! WHY WOULD SHE GIVE AWAY HER FIRST BUTT SHAKE TO SUCH A FUGLY FISH!? SLANDER!!! KILL THOSE FUGLY CHUBBY CHEST TRIBE MEMBERS!!”
I had barely made half my planned moves before all chaos descended on the massive million strong army and Jeanette Wen very nearly dropped out of the sky due to excessive laughing.
“Ahahahaha– haaaaa– haaaaaaa!! Haaaa– I hahahaha can’t breath! Hahahahaha!!” She laughed and choked and gasped and struggled to remain breathing and alive.
“I thought the South Koreans were the most dramatic life forms in the universe with their endless global hit drama series. But these damned ocean based arseholes are actually worse.” My big bro muttered.
“You are already impressed by only this much drama? Wait till I pull out the big guns. Here, watch this.” I chuckled at him before getting the field commander of a tribe of particularly buffed and huge birdies to turn to his tribe members.
“JELLY BELLIES!” Roared the field commander at the top of his lungs. “I JUST GOT A SECRET MEMO FROM THE JELLY BELLY KING THAT HE JUST GOT SEXUALLY MOLESTED BY BIG BUTT GRANDMA!! KILL THE BIG BUTTS!!”
“NO!! JELLY BELLY KING!! HOW DARE YOU BIG BUTTS!! ATTACKKK!!!”
“OH NO! IT WAS NOT JUST BIG BUTT GRANDMA! CHUBBY CHEST PAPA SEXUALLY MOLESTED HIM TOO!!”
“KILL THE CHUBBY CHEST BASTARDS TOO!!!”
Bruce Pang: … … …
Jeanette Wen: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!
Like the Horse Gavarels, those strange ocean based birdies were a primitive life form which had been forcefully advanced in terms of technology. Their mental maturity level was around the level of seven to eight year olds, and to make it worse for them, they also had egos the size of mountains.
With all their petty grievances and childish attitudes, getting them to field a million strong army and proceeding together peacefully up to that point was probably already a miracle above all miracles on the part of the mastermind.
p AndD nOve1.cO,m
And within minutes, a huge number of them also ended up as nutrients in my red mecha core, which was no longer just a bright red colour. By that time, it was slightly darker in shade, somewhere near maroon, but not quite there yet.
Poof! Poof! Poof!
I aimed for most of the vice commanders and the obvious leaders of the massive army to plunge them into deeper chaos while I continued to force the field commanders to scream and point wordlessly to force their soldiers onward to kill their brethren.
But I needn’t have bothered.
Nothing on the face of this earth could have sorted out their differences that fateful evening, and the ocean birdies were tearing into each other wildly and savagely.
I had a great time that evening.
I reckon that by that time, I was capable of physically fielding my own army of one million mechas already. I mean, I have the raw materials to do it. But I did not have the mental capacity to actually get it done, much less control them after I am done.
“I need to somehow upgrade myself, or create a system that could help me automate my one million mechas.” I thought to myself. “It won’t be easy, but if I can do that, then I would be a walking million mecha army. Nothing can stand in my way! Still, at the very least, I should be able to manifest a massive fortress around myself if I ever need to. I am probably invincible right now! MWA HA HA!”
“This is good.” Jeanette Wen said with satisfaction. “This will make the perfect headlines for tomorrow’s global news update. “Million Strong Ocean Lifeform Army Attacked The Chinese Federation But Got Destroyed In One Night. No Nukes Used. What Secret Weapons Do They Have?” The Secretary would be pissed.”
“Hahaha. She’s too political for her own good. She’s trying too hard to make us look docile and harmless. Sometimes, it’s good to put a question mark in the minds of our potential enemies. Make them wary a little.” Bruce Pang couldn’t help but laugh at his wife’s obvious pleasure at the trouble she just caused the Demoness.
But at that moment, a familiar voice suddenly sounded.
“Hey you Chinese weaklings. You guys sure are lucky. These Ocean Eagles actually quarreled and got into a civil war right in front of your doorstep! Damn it. Here I am, thinking I can force you to pay me good money to lend a hand in defense. Bah! Bah!!!”
It was the European girl in her golden mecha!
“Don’t forget. We do not know her.” Bruce Pang’s voice instantly sounded through my comms.
“I know, I know. I am not dumb.” I grumbled.
“HEY! That’s a pretty scythe you got there. Give it to me!” The European girl shouted at me.
“Give you? COME AND GET IT YOU EUROPEAN BITCH!” I shouted angrily.
“And he said he wasn’t dumb.” Bruce Pang sighed to Jeanette Wen.
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