Isekai’d Shoggoth - Chapter 103: Somebody Stop Me!

Chapter 103: Somebody Stop Me!

Ed was more than a little scandalized by rapping. Not enough to actually do something rash, but he did have a lot to say to Selene for such a “crude language”, in a song even. In the end, we pacified him with a promise that Selene will sing something less abrasive for the masses on the festivities. She’s being furtive about the song she has in mind. Or songs, really. Oh well, she’s a big girl, I’ll leave such choices to her. It’s one thing to aid a fellow transmigrator to secure a cushy life, and quite another – to run her life for her. On a funnier note, Selene had apparently managed to get Ed hooked up on coffee too. On one hand, he had taken over the question of keeping them both supplied with beans, he definitely can afford it with our business dealings turning up a good profit for him. Glassware of all sorts continues to prove itself to be a hit on the market, and the fact that it’s all endorsed by the royal family ensures there is no shortage of demand. I have a feeling he was not exactly hurting for income from glassworks even before I stuck my nose in, but being able to churn out better and more varied stuff definitely bolstered his already respectable income.

On the plus side, I was able to finagle permission to install speakers with minimal fuss, as Ed did report on their function extensively enough to make Abe decide his personal inspection was unnecessary. So here I am, commanding a squad of laborers… And trying not to punch this guy in the face. Labor was welcome, if not really crucial, but the addition of a court mage was very much unnecessary in my enlightened opinion. Old goat keeps trying to tell me that things shouldn’t be working when they clearly ARE. Dumbass.

“…For the last time, no! This goes against the basic teachings of Cagliostro, which you would have known if you truly had any inkling of scholarly zeal!” – he rounds up his extensive speech on why my speakers should not be working at all.

So I raise the mike. “Than you have a suitable explanation for how something that shouldn’t be working does?” – I answer him in return, my voice easily spreading across the plaza, making several of the laborers smirk.

Old guy purples. “Were you even listening to me, lady Gillespie?!” – he bellows – “Using illusion to pretend enchantment should work when it clearly can not is… I don’t have words to explain how foolhardy it is.”

“As foolhardy as claiming the enchantment shouldn’t work when it clearly does?” – I retort irritably, still holding the mike – “Look, just… stand over there and don’t touch anything.”

And of course, this admonition had no effect as he storms up to the closest speaker and forcibly rips off the wooden planks covering the side. Well, he does know his body enhancements, at least. Than again, his doublet is literally covered with fresh flowers, I’d be annoyed if he proved himself incapable of basics.

“Look at this! How could possibly a bit of metal produce any sort of sound?” – he demands.

In response, I conjure a gong and smack it, making it produce a sound.

“I will be sending repair bill to his highness, just so you know.” – I tell him, as I dismiss the gong.

“And I will be reporting to him that you are attempting to emplace enchantments that clearly could not do what you are claiming they will do!” – he shouts back – “I daresay his highness would be interested to know about that.”

“Yes, you do that. Go ahead. I’m waiting.” – I needle him.

“Are you doubting my resolve? Rest assured, if you do not cease this foolishness at once, I will. Distributed sound propagation, pfah. What a joke. Anyone worth calling enchanter knows full well you can not split the sound, lest it becomes too quiet to hear.” – he tosses back.

“I insist.” – I tell him simply – “Either you go to the king right now and report to him your findings, or I will drag you there by the beard myself.”

For once, he appears actually taken aback and lowers his voice. “Lady Gillespie, please be reasonable. I apologize if my words were overly harsh, but I am merely trying to prevent your inevitable embarrassment.” – he retorts – “What you want to happen is impossible, and finding out that it is in fact impossible in front of his highness and the whole crowd of people will shatter your reputation.”

I sigh and begin strolling in his direction. “By the beard it is.” – I mutter. He pales and jumps back hastily, then turning around and rapidly walking away from the group in a huff.

“Fine then! If my experience is not convincing to you, than perhaps his majesty’s authority will be.” – he tosses over his shoulder, hastening the steps to just barely below running as I advance after him. I sigh, shake my head and reattach the siding to the speaker, doublechecking it to make sure it is back in the rightful place.

Without the old goat trying to prevent workers from doing their jobs, things proceed smoothly. Of course, they proceed smoothly in no small part because I don’t hold back on magic to make it so. Bore hole in the ground, let the workers drop the pole in, fill up the hole with gravel and mortar, hit it with another bout of magic to make it set, levitate the speaker on top, let the pole slot into the clamp in the bottom. Voila. We make quick job of Merchant, Craftsman and Farmer squares and are just finishing work in the People square when the annoyance returns along with a number of men. Mostly palace guards, but the guy in the middle is prince Constantine. Huh, I guess Abe didn’t feel like sorting this out personally. Just as well, I don’t really have much interaction with this prince, if you don’t count brief encounter back when Abbas made his ill-conceived abduction. And he was concussed back then, not really a good condition to chat.

So. I pick the mike again, just as they cross the Merchant square (which is closest to the palace). “Hello there, your excellence. We are just about done with People square and that would be it. Come on over here, would you kindly?” – I proffer – “See the installation.” The reason why I left People square for the last is because that’s the place where the king will be making the speech, and so, there is a podium that I’m currently affixing a mike holder to. People are a little bit startled with me speaking from afar like this, and the old goat gets an expression like he has just been force-fed a bag of persimmons. Guess he’s about to be explaining himself to the prince. Fun fun fun fun.

Since we are so close, I quickly pull a bunch of people from my shop to set up a nice table. And then another one, a bit simpler. And then a third one, entirely simple.

“Alright, you people.” – I address the laborers – “I am pleased with your efforts. Go seat yourselves at the table and help yourself to refreshments.” They brighten up and pull their hats off, bowing.

“Many thanks, milady!” – they chorus raggedly and troop off towards the table, where a pot of tea and assorted cakes are laid out. It’s pretty chilly out here, but sunny enough to make outdoor sitting for a bit of refreshments a passable idea. A few minutes later, the palace party walks into the square, guards turning their heads as they spot the speakers. Constantine makes a beeline for me, motioning impatiently for the bearded disappointment to follow. Guards flank around him, clearly practiced. I note that there are six of them, and four carry the tower shields, while two closer to the prince are toting hefty crossbows. Impressive security, I guess Abe was not thrilled with hashishins doing stupid things in his own palace.

“Lady Gillespie!” – Constantine offers cheerfully as he steps up and takes my hand to kiss it – “How are you on this fine day?”

“I’m good, your excellency.” – I tell him placidly – “Came to see what I’m up to? I’ve just finished the setup, as you could hear a bit earlier. Care for some refreshments?”

He tilts his head and peers at the table. “Sweet Dream treats?” – he quips with a smile – “Don’t mind if I do.”

I gesture to the second table, offering – “Good sirs knights, I have not forgotten you either. The area is under my magical surveillance, if anyone suspicious enters the market squares, I will know before you can see them, so please take the seats and enjoy some refreshments as well.”

They look at Constantine who smiles and nods benevolently, at which point they troop off towards the indicated table, take the seats and start picking out the sweets and breads for themselves to snack at. Which leaves me, Constantine and the mage to take the most lavish table.

“Well now, my father had given me a brief explanation, but I was led to believe there is some kind of problem with your invention?” – Constantine begins sedately, as he picks out a clafoutis off the plate and bites into it with gusto – “MM. Your sweets are such a delight…”

I shrug… and smack my hand on the table when the mage opens his mouth. “The only problem here, your excellency, is that the, ahem, esteemed scholar next to you seems to be under impression that what I did should be impossible.” – I explain sharply – “I believe you’ve already heard enough to see his opinion on that particular matter is not really factual. He seems to be under impression that my enchantment violates the principles Cagliostro laid out in his ‘Materiel Thaumaturgy’, where he posits, among other things, that it’s fundamentally impossible to transmit sound into more than one destination without making it proportionally quieter, whereas my speakers are designed with the opposite in mind – sending voice into several places at once, while making it louder.”

I lift the microphone and say into it – “As you can plainly hear, it’s eminently possible. I believe the scholar hereby present might object that this is me faking the effect by using illusion magic, as he suggested earlier, but that much can be easily disproved by the fact I have managed to speak from here to you while you were crossing Merchant Square. If further proof is necessary, I believe you can simply send your guards to other squares and say something yourself, which they will hear.”

I lay down the mike in front of Constantine, and smile. Magus next to him wilts. Then perks up, as if he was about to say something else.

“Another possible test would be to hand the microphone…” – I tap the mike with my finger – “To one of your knights and ask of him to venture to one of the other squares and say something, which we will all hear here. This way, we can verify what he said and what we heard would be the same thing, thus neatly proving that my enchantment indeed does what I claim it will do without a doubt.”

Mage wilts again, and glares at me sullenly. Constantine, who in the meanwhile had procured a cup, pipes up – “Honestly, I am already persuaded, but for the sake of complete surety…” He lifts his arm and flags one of his knights close – “Etienne, would you kindly take this artifact and go to the Craftsman square? Say a couple phrases into it, then come back and report what you have said?”

The knight in question bows, sets the shield aside, picks up the mike gingerly and makes to leave, then returns sheepishly. “Ah… Lady Gillespie, how do I use this, exactly?” – he inquires. Smart of him.

“Oh, hold it by the handle and speak into the mesh bulb. You don’t need to hold it too close, a hand’s distance from your mouth is optimal.” – I tell him, showing at the same time – “Be sure to grip the handle firmly, it will not work if it is not in hand, so that only intended speech is spread. The loop on the end is just for holding, you don’t need to do anything special with it. Put it on your wrist, if you want to, it’s just a little convenience.”

A few minutes are passed in contemplative silence, with most people present taking advantage of free sweets and drinks. Constantine suddenly pipes up – “While we are waiting, lady Gillespie… Mind indulging my curiosity? I have heard rumors that you have invented some unusual method of cava preparation, so if it’s not too much of an imposition, could I try some?” He clearly spied my own mug. I shrug and pour him a cup from the percolator, making him doubletake.

“Ah. Um… Much obliged.” – he proffers, as he gingerly sniffs it.

“I like it black, but the bitter flavor seems to be too strong for many people, your excellency.” – I suggest – “If so, adding some sugar and milk will make it milder. I will leave it at your discretion.”

Casting a side glance on the mage, who is sitting stiff like a poker, I take a bit of pity on him. “Do you want a cup too?” – I ask him bluntly. He doubletakes, purses his lips, but then sighs and nods. “Thank you for generosity, lady Gillespie.” – he agrees gloomily as I pour him a cup – “Cava is a rare treat for one such as I. Let alone cava personally poured by a highborn lady.”

Constantine in the meanwhile sips a cup and sputters. Then grabs the milk jug and pours some into his cup. The next taste apparently fits his preference better, but not quite, and a full spoonful of sugar goes in. “…Gods, that’s a very strong flavor.” – he gasps, as he eyes the cup with some trepidation – “…Mmm. Yes, I believe milk and sugar do improve things for me quite a bit.”

“…Ahem…. I stood beside a hill smooth with new-laid snow…” – a voice suddenly erupts around us, as the knight on errand reads a short poem about stargazing on a snowy evening. A nice voice on that lad. The remaining knights clap politely as the poem ends. Appreciation for poetry? Well, that does match the stereotype of a knight, indeed.

“My, oh my. That was even more impressive like this.” – Constantine praises – “Well, magister Neloth, I do believe your worries are unfounded. You have my gratitude for vigilance, but in the future, please keep in mind that lady Gillespie so far had never failed to deliver on her claims, regardless of how outrageous they may have been.”

Mage slumps. “…My deepest apologies, lady Gillespie.” – he forces out – “If possible, could you furnish the enchantment formulae for our education? It occurs to me that if one of the Cagliostro’s principles could be circumvented, than maybe something similar could be of use for other problems we had deemed implausible to achieve.”

I shrug. “I already sent the formulae to the royal licensing archives.” – I tell him – “You have my permission to examine the submitted licenses so long as it is done for the sake of scholarly pursuits. I will ask for the tithe if you elect to put my findings to mercantile use.”

“Eminently agreeable.” – Constantine interjects immediately, though it does not seem that mage is going to object either – “Wait, licenses?”

“This is hardly the only enchantment I have designed and licensed for mercantile use, your excellency.” – I explain – “I thought it would make things easier if I just give blanket permission for court mages to examine them at their own leisure to further the understanding of magical arts.”

“You are truly a boon to our fine kingdom.” – Constantine states with satisfaction – “I am now finding myself regretful that my duties as a prince keep me away from Parsee so much.”

Well… Constantine is our primary ambassador, more or less. Oh, we do have people living in other countries at embassies, but he is usually the guy who conducts important talks. Well, ones that don’t require the king’s personal attention, at least. He spends a lot of time on the road. Actually… Hm.

“About that, your excellency.” – I proffer – “I believe you are traveling a lot. Have you considered traveling by air?”

He sits up straight, and his eyes start sparkling. “I have heard tales from my father and Edward about your magnificent airship.” – he offers excitedly – “I would not like to presume, but if you are offering, then yes, I would be glad if you could be available to facilitate some of my journeys.”

I quirk my brow. “While I wouldn’t be opposed to doing so if you are urgently needed somewhere, your excellency, this is not quite what I had in mind.” – I suggest – “Rather, I wanted to ask if you would like to commission an airship of your own to facilitate all of your travels and possibly serve as a residence away from home.”

Next thing I know, Constantine’s chair tips over and clatters on the ground, as he leaps to his feet and bows to me over the table deeply, his face just a few inches from mine. “YES, PLEASE!” – he breathes out.

It takes a bit of assistance and help for him to be seated again, and during this time, the knight returns from his errand, passes me the microphone and reports the poem he read word by word, thus concluding the test.

“So… I take it you like the offer?” – I begin.

“It would be incredible, lady Gillespie, but please tell me the requirements. While I’d love nothing more than just agree right here and now, I do need to know what kind of commitment the kingdom would need to make for such a commission.” – he responds. Mage next to him had spent most of the altercation choking on cava and catching his breath. He is quiet, but also seems to be very interested in the topic.

“Well… Let me see…” – I muse – “The costs? Let’s say three thousand golds for construction. The construction itself will take about two months, give or take, so it should be ready for use by spring. You will need to find and recruit a reliable crew to operate it. One captain of the ship, who should be used to command and capable of navigation by stars. Three to six airmen, who should all be trustworthy and preferably experienced people not scared of heights. Their primary jobs would be to man the rudders to keep the airship on course, to oversee the operation of the engine, and to perform landing duties, which would require some proficiency with carpentry, minor forging and rope handling. More or less the same duties you would expect out of seamen, so you could probably recruit from port cities. I would suggest ensuring at least one of the airmen is trained to navigate by stars as well, in case the captain is sick or otherwise unavailable for some reason. Ideally, all of them should know the basics. I can furnish the manuals for training immediately, but they will still require about a month more of practical familiarization with airship operation once it is built. All of them should be reasonably trained in facsimile magic, because while airship has onboard flower troughs, they are severely limited and should not be plucked for fresh flowers outside of dire emergencies. Maybe you can recruit your airship crew from the third and fourth sons of coastal nobles who are familiar with maritime operations. Keep in mind that weight is of utmost concern for the airship, so you should be very selective in picking people who accommodate you on board. I would recommend two servants, one of which would serve as a cook for the whole party, while the other attends to you personally, but realistically speaking, up to dozen people total can be put on the airship indefinitely, while leaving you with enough capacity for about the same amount of guests or passengers for short trips.”

Constantine’s eyes gradually grow. “…You know what?” – he then says – “Father can commission you for kingdom needs himself. This one is going to be my personal property. My men will deliver three thousand to your domicile tomorrow. Please lay down the airship as soon as it is convenient, I shall in the meanwhile find myself a trustworthy crew. Gods and stars, this is going to change everything, I… just… wow.”

Another commission, get… And since the bulk of work is going to be done by carpenters and other assorted labor who already did that much once, I won’t be needing to be present except to put the enchantments in the end. I can do it once me and the girls get back to Parsee. Still, maybe it’s a good time to think about laying down proper zeppelin craftworks so I could build more. I imagine that Constantine having his personal one will open the floodgates for more. Something to consider. Later.