Isekai’d Shoggoth - Chapter 132: Loud City

Chapter 132: Loud City

“…Darling!…” – woman in a fancy dress was… quietly loud, if I were to sum things up. Apparently, the burgmeister’s wife is the fussy type. In contrast, the captain’s wife hasn’t said a word so far. Had not changed an expression either. Honestly, at one point I even used detection magic to verify she is not actually a statue under animation enchant. The greyish color of her dress really adds to the whole concrete look. Combine this with an uncannily inobtrusive way of moving… I mean, she moves alright, but it is kinda hard to actually pay attention to her doing so. It’s like being observed makes her still. Eugh, she sets off my weird-o-meter, and I am a literal eldritch abomination… Whatever, but I’m keeping a LOT of eyes on her at all times. I mean, I’m pretty sure she won’t twist someone’s head off while I’m blinking, but better to be overly cautious before than sorry after.

Back to our muttons, neither of my guests had bothered bringing along any children, so either they’re uninterested or my guests are having very… mixed thoughts about my invitation. I’m honestly a little surprised. Spying on their post-meeting conversation was eye-opening. I thought I am being an unreasonable martinet, turns out by average noble conduct I’m practically Gandhi. Civilization style Gandhi, maybe? I mean, I can definitely back my words with nuclear fire, if I feel so inclined, heh…

While I’m musing on this, there seems to be an interesting conversation going on among the guests. They are speaking in Kraut, obviously, but the gist of it is the discussion on just how safe it is to come out here, just how late they are to doubt safeties, just how likely it is I would do something… weird and… I think this is a good time to interrupt the conversation before they arrive at a conclusion I’d rather not think about.

And so, I step outside to extend greetings and invitations.

___

All in all, the dinner went better than I expected. In no small part thanks to my wives smoothing things out with their personal touches. Lily-Anne dominates attention off the get-go, as expected. One simply does NOT disregard the princess, after all. Moon Unit has a great deal of attention-grabbing by the virtue of being an elf. Roxolane and Bridgit aren’t quite as eye-catching to my guests at first, but Bridgit’s casual teleportation garners more than one doubletake. Roxolane rounds up the show by being the most mundane-appearing out of my wives, and therefore by default the safest to engage in conversation. She did not expect this. At all. Obviously, I’m not leaving her to fend for herself, which means actually keeping myself within the conversation flow, rather than making random aloof remarks or monologuing.

Cy, on the other hand, does not help the countenance of my guests at all. I guess her voice is not something people would get used to quickly. Not to mention she is gleefully dropping topics that are just asking people to misunderstand. Thankfully, her apparent age in this case is a readily-existent excuse. Of course, since burgomeister’s wife had commented on her voice and how I don’t have the same reverb… Well, she learned that I can turn on the reverb. Which, in retrospect, probably added to the whole “defiled so badly there’s barely anything human left in her” opinion I seem to be giving people left and right. Whatever, so long as it’s this instead of “maybe she’s always been a monster to begin with”, it’s fine with me. On the flip side, since the topic of unusual voices had been breached, I tool around a little with harmonics and collinear arrays, “explaining” it as various levels of suppression. Mainly so that there is something “worse” than the deal Cy has going on. Which leads to an absolutely “delightful” conversation on how exactly Cy came to be, because those people started under an impression I actually had her the natural way and then did something potently stupid to get her defiled along with myself. Nevermind I’d actually need to get knocked up at like eight to pull it off like this. Ugh.

Somehow, I predict the conversation of this sort is going to be cropping up for quite a few times in the next couple of years. With any luck, at least pointing out that I’m still “untouched by man” will lose its luster for my wives, at least. Maybe. Hopefully. Jeez. I mean, most of us are technical virgins as is… I mean, I’m pretty sure Bridgit is, and I’m very much sure Lily-Anne is. Moon Unit and Roxolane probably aren’t, given the whole “actually over fifty already” and “was forcibly dragged into harem a while ago” respectively. Of course, insofar as “had sex” kind of virginity goes, I made very sure it does not apply to any in my harem. Repeatedly… Aaaand I have no clue why am I even ruminating on the topic of “technical virginity” to begin with. Rassum-frassum, that’s what happens when people make weird assumptions – I end up thinking weirder things.

___

“Oh dear. They’re at it again…” – burgmeister’s wife gripes quietly. I probably was not expected to overhear this, given the overall clamor in the area.

“What’s going on?” – I ask much louder. The plaza right past the gate was lively in the morning, but right now it’s much more noisy – and it appears that a good part of the noise is of… putatively musical nature.

“Thousand pardons, milady.” – burgmeister bows hastily – “It is but a revelry of young noble men.”

“Revelry, huh? Correct me if I’m wrong, but they appear to be busking.” – I comment back as I squint. The guys in question are dressed pretty well, come to think of it, so why are they doing something one would expect from a beggar?

Burgmeister winces – “They… are, milady. It is a new fad among young masters, to “sing for the people”, as it were. They donate the accrued alms to the temple once they tire of it.”

“And the… increasing loudness of it all?” – I continue, raising my voice as the noise redoubles.

“To my everlasting regret, this is how they decide who wins the place for the day!” – he shouts back – “The ones who are overtaken in their song are honor-bound to leave the plaza!”

…Hrm.

I throw out a spell that forces a shell of air around us to not vibrate. Complicated and not something I can hold for long without causing other issues like asphyxiation, but for a few moments, it is fine to actually speak without interruptions.

“So… is there any special way to enter that competition, or whoever comes may try?” – I inquire in a resulting quiet.

Captain swallows reflexively. “Anyone may, if it so pleases milady, but it has to be a song.” – he bleats tremulously – “Just shouting them down will make them redouble their efforts.”

“Oh? How about using… nevermind, I guess it’s allowed.” – I cut myself off as I spy one of the guys in question brings out the flute.

“…Milady, are you planning to…” – burgmeister begins with trepidation.

“I am.” – I confirm with an evil smile – “I very much am.”

___

A few moments are spent on putting together the speakers out of conjured materials. It attracts the attention of my wives, and a few more moments have to be spent on telling them that yes, I do plan to sing everyone out of the plaza. I mean, after learning that whole soul aria thing, it feels like a crying shame not to use it. And if I can lay some… avant-garde tunes on the populace, well… I am supposed to be weird, no? Now, what can I use that is both loud and impactful? H-oh, how about some Rage Against The Machine, then? I would guess that lads doing this kind of thing are doing it as a form of youthful rebellion, so rebellious music sounds just like… Hm. But let’s go with the cover. Brass I can explain, electric guitar would be harder.

Ah, yes. This would work out a treat. Alter the lyrics a little bit to skip the inexplicable references… And there we go. Throw up some mud golems to be the “brass section” and presto. HAH! By the time I get to the “I’m deep inside your children, they’ll betray you in my name!” line, the rest of the would-be musicians all guttered out staring at me with wide eyes and open mouths.

Since everyone is stuck at the “what the fuck just happened” stage… Have another one. This one a cover of Led Zeppelin. When you really think about it, I AM the descendant of this world’s vikings, so I’m not even culturally appropriating anything…….And I just realized that Moon Unit set up her recorder as soon as she realized I actually intend to sing. Huh. Wonder what is her plan for this. Maybe I should hint her to run off a copy for Selene, she would get the kick out of it… But better warn her straight up that my “brass section” is straight-up mock-ups and I’m just piping the whole thing into the speakers straight from the internet with minimal touchup. Or she might decide I am a suitable orchestra replacement.

Hah! I cleared out the plaza, alright! And without actually traumatizing any eardrums. Though I say nothing about sensibilities – some were probably scraped pretty badly. My harem is amused, at least, and I am happy enough with that. The burgmeister is… halfway between relieved and exasperated, the captain is mostly exasperated and their respective spouses are exuberant and stoic. Apparently, the burgmeister’s wife liked it well enough to ask for another. I’m… unsure if I want to. But then Moon Unit coyly suggests I should try something more serenade-like for all of them. Is that so, dear? Very well, challenge accepted.

………

“LLLewd!” – Lily-Anne stammers, her cheeks red. Roxolane and Bridgit are not far behind, while Moon Unit and Cy are almost falling over each other laughing. I, in my infinite wisdom, had decided that “Absolute Territory” is a serenade-worthy tune. Granted, it IS all about appreciating a woman, but I somehow failed to remember that contemporary sensibilities expect of me to extoll the abstract aspects of beauty, rather than flat out go “take off your clothes”. Burgmeister had abruptly excused himself and his spouse and departed in a great hurry in the middle of the song. Insofar as I can tell from the pheromone landscape and the IR imagery of his blood vessels? He and his wife have had taken the suggestion to “take off your clothes” as the directive for the rest of the day. Captain’s still around, though I suspect not for long, because I have managed to make his statue-like wife blush. In fact, he is saying his goodbyes right now, rather in a hurry.

…The fuck did I do? I… no, there are no mental components to the song at all, I’d catch up on that if I actually put a mind whammy into the thing. So… just the overwhelming lewdness of it, then? I glance around, and there is a… surprising amount of people moving away from the plaza. A whole lot of them are in the condition that implies they have lewd firm on their minds. Bwuh.

___

After such a… PR debacle, I decide to take it easy for the rest of the day. We have a couple more days to explore Nornburg, and since I brought the lewd mood in, I might as well take advantage of it. Well that, and hanging out with Cy doing mother-daughter things as far as we can comprehend them. Which amounts to us playing assorted board games and discussing the most likely idiocy that would crop up next, because of course it will…

“Milady, I have a letter for you from my master, baron Hanslich!” – aand I think the idiocy just arrived. Maybe? Something about Nornberg is… loud.

Stepping out of the airship to talk to the footman, I shush him down before taking the letter. Hrm. Not sure I recognize the seal on the wax, but logged for further reference. Breaking it open, I scan through the missive. Yada-yada-yada, baron extending a heartfelt invitation to come stay at his manor just outside Nornburg, yada-yada-yada. In short, the usual “I am visited by ranking noble, so I’ll offer guest chambers at my house because it would be shameful to put up such guests at the inn.” Nevermind I’m actually with a mobile residence here.

I guess I’ll have to take him up on the invitation… but with precautions. If he was just jumping at fulfilling his obligations as a noble to host a higher noble, then the letter would have been sent yesterday as soon as I arrived, not a whole day after. It’s a reaction to something. Maybe to my impromptu concerto? The lads that were sent off second best were all assorted nobles, they might have said something. Huh. Oh well, we’ll see once we’re at his place.